May 31, 05 | 5:00 am

The Balancing Act

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One of the most important lessons I have learned as a parent is that we learn through our mistakes. Sometimes we need that metaphorical spanking to help us grow as a person. I remember the first day home with my newborn daughter. Normally I am an independent, very 'in control' person, and I remember being completely and utterly terrified. I sat with this tiny bundle in my arms and cried, so overwhelmed, and so worried that I would make a mistake. I had read so many books and magazines but nothing could have prepared me for the moment when I realized how much responsibility I was holding in my arms. How would I continue working and still manage the household?

When my mother-in-law came to visit a couple weeks after the birth, we talked extensively about the lessons learned from mistakes. I had always envied her for her ability to be balance everything. She had an immaculate house, several jobs and she still had time to devote herself to her children. She was quite a progressive woman for her time, ignoring the criticism
of her sister for working and augmenting her husband's salary through her hard work. So I asked her how she did it all and she said to me, "I endured criticism because I realized if I was making a mistake that my mistake would guide me to the right place." She further explained, "I raised my children the same way. I'd see my son choose something that I knew wouldn't
work out, but I knew if I didn't allow him to have the experience of failing that he wouldn't learn to try again and improve himself."

I made some calls to some of my favorite mothers and asked them for advice for new moms on being a mother, juggling work or staying at home and maintaining their sanity:

"It's important to let go of your guilt. No one is perfect and you will make mistakes and get stressed and forget to do something or raise your voice when you shouldn't have. It happens to all parents. Don't be afraid to just say you are sorry. It's never too early for our kids to learn that we aren't perfect and we don't have to be. What matters is that we do our very best with love in our hearts, learn from our mistakes, and learn to say, "I'm sorry" when it's
needed."
-- Jenny, Lawyer, Mother of one.

"I do the best job juggling being a mother and working when I am organized. The weeks that I am organized, the household and life run smooth. Additionally, it's such a good feeling to know that my daughter is well adjusted and comfortable with her nanny, but it's also wonderful to share those special moments with her when I come home."
-- Rae Ann Herman, Accessories Director at Glamour Magazine, Mother of one.

"Don't be afraid to be selfish. Don't just make time to do the things you need to do, but things you want to do. Make sure you take 'alone time' for yourself and have adult contact, like lunch with a friend, so you don't miss the social aspect of your life."
-- Laura, Stay-at-Home-Mom of three.

"Don't lose the precious moments. It is stressful when you have an active toddler, but remember the reason they are jumping on the couch or pouring their food all over the table. It is because they are experimenting and growing. Take that stressful moment and try to remember how wonderful it is that they are learning."
-- Dr. Mary Ann Farkas, Crime Writer, Professor, and Mother of three grown children.

"Remember to breathe. There have been so many times when I thought, 'That's it. I quit. Can I please send her back;' times when I have locked her in the house by herself, times when I have locked us both out of the car on a busy street when we were loaded with groceries; times when I've cried myself to sleep as she was crying herself to sleep. And we are still alive, and happy, and healthy, and growing. So, sometimes you just have to stop and breathe because things are NEVER as bad as they seem."
-- Kimberly Dawn Robertson, Creator of Sidepony, Mother of one.

"Nothing makes me feel like a better parent than feeling fulfilled in my job. It's very stressful
juggling everything, but if you can figure out a way to do both, it is so wonderful and rewarding. Make sure that the time you spend with you children, even if it is limited, is fully focused on them. Moments spent with your children are so precious that you want to enjoy them."
-- Beth Herbst, co-founder of stylebakery.com and Fashion Stylist, Mother of two.

"Take time out for yourself! While it's important to nurture your children, in order to be a good mother, sometimes we need to focus on ourselves."
-- Rivkie Spalter, Director of Mequon Jewish Preschool, Mother of nine.

"After four kids, I feel like I've learned a million things, and yet I feel like there are a million more things out there to learn. I think the most important thing I realized along the way is that it's okay to do it your own way. I'm a completely different parent than I thought I would be when I was nine hundred months pregnant with my first baby, flush with reading every baby and childcare manual I could find. I was a perfect parent, so long as I didn't have any actual children to parent. None of us are experts, kids and parents included, and the sooner we realize that, the happier our lives become."
-- Jess, Stay-at-Home Mom of four.

Article by Elana Rubin of FutureFashionista.com.

Elana is a Jewelry Designer and Founder of FutureFashionista.com, an online Jewelry website featuring her handmade solid gold designs. Her jewelry has become extremely popular with the trendsetting crowds and famous fashionistas.

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